I’m Upset: Your dinner is ruining my movie | The Outline:

There are numerous aspects of the dine-in movie theater experience I find loathsome. To name a few: I hate the way the waiters are relegated to scurrying up and down the aisles like blind mice, walking half-stooped through the rows to avoid blocking the screen. I hate how people who’ve ordered crunchy foods try, and fail, to eat them noiselessly. I hate the whispered exchanges regarding tater tots. I hate the smell of cheeseburgers in the dark.

Whereas traditional movie theaters are expressly designed to pull you in, this stuff inherently yanks you out. I’m not a film snob; I once watched The 400 Blows wine-drunk on a flight to Dubai. But for people who go to the movies to sit in the dark and turn off their phones and forget themselves for a few hours — or even, to, I don’t know, share in the collective fright or delight of the audience — it’s not hard to see how some dude shoveling kale salad into his mouth can become its own brand of spoiler. Nor is it hard to imagine why a movie theater is a genuinely horrible place to enjoy a kale salad.